It is a year later, and the world at large, and Washington, D.C. continues to deliver a kind of unpredictability that strangely is only predictable in that we have come to anticipate or maybe even expect norm-breaking. This anticipation is almost palpable and strange and so deeply embedded into the current times that it almost permeates the air. I have felt a bit rudderless at times. The things I relied upon to find my way in the world seemed no longer accepted as the norm. When faced with challenges, whether personal or professional, I have had to remind myself that to endure times that feel rudderless, or things feel out of control, I only need to dig deep, and tune in to see my unique flag to guide me.
This concept reignited the continuation of last year's borrowing of V-U-C-A (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity). I am now finally ready to re-designate the "u" from "uncertainty" to "unique." Why did I choose unique? The easy answer is that it starts with a "u," and as you know, that was the letter I needed to tackle next. But the real reason I choose it is that when faced with challenges small or significant, we each have our own, individual way of being. It is our essence that is so individual, that it makes us who we are. It is our truth if you will— and no one can take that from us. For our purposes, I will call it our unique flag—or U flag.
We each have our own U flag. It is in front of us at all times, pointing the way. It grounds us. When we are aligned and looking in the direction of our flag, you can barely hear it. But when we are out of alignment, it begins flapping in the wind loudly. Just like the resistance of the wind, when we are going against what is right for us, ignoring our instincts, or not being true to who we are, we feel that resistance often as discomfort. Alignment or dis-alignment with our flag is a sign. If you tune in and listen, you can see if you are pointing in the same direction as your flag.
The flag analogy reminds me of several people I know and have had the good fortune to connect with during this holiday season. It seems like everyone I know is in one form of transition or another. Both the good and the less desirable kind can cause stress and uncertainty. Transitions run the gamut from a loss of a loved one, personal illness, financial struggles. Or landing a new job or purchasing a house. Not all of us remember to dig inside and trust our instincts and listen to our inner voice for guidance on how to deal with life's ups and downs.
My friend Lila recently had a professional shift that left her flailing and feeling out of control. After seven years, she left a job that no longer was professionally or financially satisfying and took on a new role. She was initially very excited about starting something new, but also it was daunting. Would she have the right skill set, was she too old, would she preform the way the new boss wanted? These questions bubbled up and reverberated in her head.
To make matters worse, her new colleagues fed her self-doubt. As her new role began, she was feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and a bit trapped in response to a new colleague's guidance on how she should do her job. Her new colleague was not very helpful; he expected her to magically somehow know the ropes and do things exactly the way he did with little to no background, context, or useful instruction. Lila was miserable. She told me she felt like she had made a mistake taking her new job. She felt out of her element and fearful and fueled by self-doubt. Lila continued on this path, dreading every day. Until the unthinkable occurred. She was going to be left to manage the office on her own for three weeks! Lila dreaded this.
But something happened to Lila once she left to her own devices that shifted her experience. Lila began looking inward for her cues on how to achieve the work before her. Once she stopped trying to fit a mold that wasn't hers, she was no longer resisting. Lila felt better, was no longer frustrated, and was accomplishing the items on her to-do list. It is still hard being new, learning the new company, but she is in alignment with her U flag. Since then, Lila has fallen into a rhythm. It's not always easy—but she is no longer actively resisting an approach she has chosen to employ.
This theme has continued to pop up and resonate with me recently. Earlier this month, I was at an event and met a recovering lawyer who is now a resume and networking coach. I asked her about her transition into coaching. The theme of her story was similar to Lila's. She was following a path as a lawyer that was not right for her. She told me that she went from job to job for several years or so after law school, never finding professional happiness. After a great deal of reflection, she realized that she was resisting her true calling. She left her job and is now happily helping others through transitions like the one she went through.
I even heard a nugget around this theme from an instructor in a treadmill class. She said you could not fail at your destiny. And, if it is not meant to be, you cannot mess it up. This simple thought meant to drive me to sprint the last 90 seconds of class, was a reminder to be true to who we are. You do you. It fueled me to run at my challenging pace, not the speed of someone faster, or slower for that matter. That last 90 seconds felt awesome as I hit my stride! Off the treadmill, that message has felt just as compelling to me.
Next time you find yourself and uncomfortable and feel like you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, take some time to sit with yourself and reflect on how to follow your "U flag."
Here are a couple of concepts to help guide you as you reflect:
What is happening?
What do you find challenging about this situation?
What is right for you about the situation?
What is wrong for you about the situation?
What do your instincts tell you about the story you are telling yourself about this challenge?
What is one thing about this situation that you know to be true? How do you know it's true?
What are you not saying that you need to hear?
What is one approach/step that you can take?