I am on a roll now! For those of you that are keeping abreast of my repurposing of the V-U-C-A acronym (for volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity), we are repurposing the "C" here today to extol the virtues of curiosity. There are lots to recommend about curiosity. When genuine, it creates an openness, leads to learning, and is closely related to compassion and concern. So why in the word did curiosity kill the Cat? It seems to me that this idiom has misrepresented curiosity, and we forget to notice the admirable aspects of curiosity.
For those interested, I did a quick check-in with google, and it led me to learn that the original phrase of English origin, was "Care killed the cat." In this instance, "care" meant worry or sorrow. https://knowyourphrase.com/curiosity-killed-the-cat.
Too much worry or sorrow is soul-wrenching for sure. So that makes sense to me…worry or sadness killed the Cat. But curiosity doesn't seem to fit. Well, it turns out that the idiom adaptation occurred sometime in the late 1800s. https://writingexplained.org/idiom-dictionary/curiosity-killed-the-cat
One important idea to note is that this phrase speaks of a specific kind of curiosity. The type that is intrusive, as in excessively nosey or inappropriate—as in unwelcome. The sort of curiosity that could get someone in trouble. For me, it brings an image to mind of a mob boss reminding a nosey underling that snitches get stitches. But I digress…back to the Cat.
The point is, cats are naturally curious and follow their curiosity often to unexpected results. Think of the cat that decides to check out a new curtain by climbing the curtain only to find close to the top (use your imagination here) her paw gets stuck in the fabric of the curtain! YIKES! She panics and pulls away only to notice that she is high up without a ledge in sight! She flips as she pulls, making a loud sound that sounds murderous, only to land gracefully on her feet. She lays there, breathing heavily, and then saunters off to find more trouble. Thankfully, she has nine lives.
But this is not the quality I want to focus on today. I want to focus on the kind of curiosity that invites friends, colleagues, and family to feel special because you are not only are listening to them, but are you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. You show up with humility and openness that indicates your happy to learn and don't have all the answers. You have no attachment to the answers to your questions other than to hear what people are saying! Doing this not only builds relationships in our personal lives but it is a skill that, if applied, can help grow work-life relationships, whether your building your business or just hoping to interact better with your colleagues.
Think about your own interactions. Now first, let's consider the opposite approach. The interaction with a person who engages only to hear themselves talk, press their ideas or agenda, and no matter what you say, it's just a platform for their response to you. Let's consider this the anti-curious space. Now, this may be an approach to some engagements, but how would it feel to hear yourself described that way? Speaking for myself, that is not the impression I want to leave.
Pivoting to the peeps that I want to emulate, they are the ones that engage in a way that demonstrates that they care to hear what I have to say. Do you know someone like this? Doesn't it feel great when someone is curious and interested to listen to what you have to say? I don't expect in a fast-paced business environment that leaders would be in a constant state of curiosity to the exclusion of their other skills. Leaders also need to know their business and make decisions. But being open to new ideas and ways of thinking can also lead to innovation and growth. How you engage in your personal and professional life may be worth considering from time to time. Including, reviewing if you are matching your engagement style with your objectives for the engagement. Are you creating the type of environment for the kind of conversations you want to have?
But let me not confuse the issue, not all conversations, or questions are about curiosity. Take questioning in a court of law during direct examination and then during cross-examination. The purpose is to build a case or shed doubt in our opponent's position. Not an easy-going manner of eliciting information and learning about someone. It likely feels uncomfortable and adversarial, and, in those cases, it is. But used in other circumstances, it might not be the right fit if you are trying to get someone to open up and feel amenable to spilling the beans. Or if you are looking to get your team to come up with a new creative idea. Engaging in this way may not do much to engender a feeling of openness that might spark your or your team's creativity.
Another attribute of curiosity worth mentioning is that without it, we would do the same old thing, never taking chances. For me, I might not have endeavored to leave my small suburban town, move to New England, and then years later uproot and move to Washington, DC. I also would have missed a lot of growth and development had I not taken risks, followed my intuition, and made career changes that have exposed me to diverse work experiences since coming to DC, 22 years ago. In all these cases, I was curious to learn and grow and dream about jobs and places to live that were different than my current experiences.
Let's take my niece, for example. Let me start by mentioning that she is a kind, compassionate, smart, beautiful young woman (inside and out) and is one of my favorite peeps on gods' green earth. But, (KB if your reading this read sorry if your Tante is embarrassing you) when she was younger, she was also a very particular eater---by that, I mean she didn't like much. And, by that, I mean she would not try much. When she was 16, she came to visit me in Washington, DC. At that time—her repertoire of possible options was very narrow: bagels, hamburgers, and pizza. I know, you are all thinking, this is par for the course for a 16-year-old. But when I say she had a limited repertoire, friends, this was all she was eating.
Fast forward five years later, and she has traveled all over the world, spent a semester abroad, and now is she is a down-right culinary daredevil. What changed? She went to college, met different people, was exposed to different ideas, and got curious. So she expanded her horizons. No real mystery here, but you get my point. Think how bland life can be when we don't think to be open to learning new things, seeing new perspectives, and daring to see what else is out there.
Speaking of new perspectives, what about the moment when you hear someone make a request or comment, and your mind jumps to a negative conclusion about the why of that ask or comment…and it got you fired up? Has that happened to you? What if in that one second where you recognized you were going to the dark side, you got curious? What if rather than assuming you knew what the motive for this request/comment you were open to the possibility that the motivation had no mal intention. Chances are you might avoid getting torqued! Let me illustrate.
One of my clients, let's call her Emily, recently came to a session peeved at her Vice President. This VP had a rude habit of sending Emily off on a wild goose chase to test her. The dynamics of the relationship were such that Emily did not feel like she could engage with her VP about these requests, …which seemed to fuel Emily's aggravation. As we talked about these incidents, I simply inquired if there could be other reasons for these requests? Ya know what, one by one, my client identified multiple possible reasons for her VP's requests that had not previously occurred to her. Would it make a difference to Emily if the assignment had a real purpose rather than her original perception of the "wild-goose chase?" Emily exclaimed, "of course it would, I don't know why I didn't think of these alternatives at the time." Well, Emily, now you know you can pause and get a bit more curious.
Once Emily could see possibilities, she was also more open about navigating these interactions. As a result, we were also able to uncover a bit more about the origin of Emily's perception that she could not engage her VP to understand these requests better? Emily is now looking at these dynamics and encounters will a lot more curiosity and openness.
What about you? Are you practicing your curiosity muscle? Next time you're at a restaurant why not expand your horizons and see what happens. You might just find something you didn't know you loved!