The final chapter in my quest to re-designate V-U-C-A is finally here. If you have not been following along, a year or so ago, I decided to borrow the acronym V-U-C-A (volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity) and reframing it in a more positive light. So we have tackled "V"—for "values," "U" for "uniqueness," "C" for "curiosity," and we have arrived at our completion with "A." Drumroll, please "A" is for "acceptance."
I chose acceptance a while back-well before Wuhan and China was on the radar with the novel coronavirus, and COVID-19 swept into all of our lives. In fact, I wrote a draft blog in early December, that I have gone back to, but now realize I have different things to say about acceptance before COVID-19 disrupting society in the US and many countries around the globe.
Acceptance—or perhaps more accurately, the desire to move toward acceptance—is something showing up in my life with regularity personally and professionally. I like to think of it as a state of being in harmony with the conditions that impact us. To me, acceptance is the place where we can choose to stop resisting and getting in our own way. Conceptually simple and elegant. Yet given human nature, for many of us, depending on what we are struggling with, arriving at a state of acceptance may be hard to achieve. Nonetheless, gaining acceptance over and over again takes work, but it also can help us in living a happy, healthy, joyous and well-aligned life.
To bring some clarity, let's look at some signs that show up when we lack acceptance. When this happens to me, I am in resistance mode. I struggle. It is no more complicated than that. My resistance may show up as frustration, or anger, overwhelm, defeat, feeling stuck, maybe even a sense of self-doubt, or just not feeling like myself. I may also be in denial. The exact signs for you may look or feel different—but when we are in resistance mode, we tend not to be a happy camper.
This is not to say that whatever the catalysts are to resistance is not challenging or difficult or that you must emotionally adopt them as accurate, or right, moral, fun, or whatever. It is just about what happens when we actively resist. Imagine, if you will, a resistance band you might use for a work-out or physical therapy. Now think of what happens when you pull away from it with force. The more exertion that is applied the thinner the band becomes. With enough energy and repetition, the band may not return to its original state. It may become thin, lose its shape, or simply snap and break. When that happens, well, ouch. For me resistance mode—which is likely to occur by the way—just isn't particularly helpful to me. Like, the exercise band, if I choose to stay in this state for too long, it is harder for me to snap back. Like so many things in life, the key for me is to notice this sooner than later, so I can choose to stop resisting.
As I have gotten older, acceptance started sounding less like a cute quip from a judgy friend and family member and more like a gift to me. It is the gift that can set us free to move on. I know some of you may think that sounds ridiculous, but let me elaborate on the essence of acceptance. Let's pivot away from COVID-19 and take a look at a typical example of resistance.
Let's use the analogy of a break-up. Have you ever met someone who is in resistance mode regarding a break-up? In this example, let's say they are holding onto a relationship that, for whatever reason, is not good for them. I have experienced this both personally and been there for friends and family going through this type of experience. They may be bargaining, in denial, looking for signs that the relationship is not DOA. But, for many of us, we watched on supporting our friend or family knowing in our heart of hearts that if they could just accept that it is over, they can get through this and move on….
Resistance to acceptance can take many forms depending on the situation. Let's take social distancing and COVID-19. This is unchartered territory for most of us. That said, we do have the gift of acceptance to help us through. For me, a self-described homebody, this means reconciling that I don't love being at home constantly that much. I usually am heading to work, the gym, errands, seeing friends, going out to dinner. You get the picture. I am an extroverted introvert that likes to be with people. At least for a good part of the day. That said, I don't have to like social distancing at all. The point is that by accepting, I can make it easier on myself. Once there, I can move onto a place where I can manage the experience and perhaps find new ways of coping—maybe connecting to my peeps virtually going on walks, hikes, jogs outside when possible. If I choose to resist this—either by putting my health and my community's health at risk—or just having a bad attitude about it, I won't make it any easier on myself or anyone else for that matter.
Right now, things look different for pretty much all of us. Some are having financial strain, businesses drying up, and real worry about how to pay the bills and keep food on the table. I recognize times are extraordinarily hard right now for many. And much of this situation is not in our zone of control. But each of us can choose to dig deep and grab for the gift of acceptance for the current circumstances. It will not change what we are all going through, but it may help us with our perspective and getting through it just a little easier.
I wish everyone health and well-being. Warmly,
Jennifer